So, your internal playlist may be playing ‘Let’s Get It On’ by Marvin Gaye but when you really start to think about the nitty gritty of sex, you’re wondering if you really are ready for it. It’s totally okay, you’re not alone. In fact, everyone questions themselves when it comes to losing their virginity. Here are a few things to consider when thinking about doing the deed for the first time.
It’s okay to wait: There’s no perfect age to have sex. It really depends on the individual. Some people lose their virginity in their teens while others wait longer; after all, there are other ways to have fun without going all the way. Each person has their own reasoning and should not be pressured to make this choice, that’s kind of the beauty of this big decision; you should do it your way.
Feeling the pressure: If your partner is pushing you to have sex, remember that it is your choice and you shouldn’t do it just because someone else wants you to. It can be scary to say no, but remember, this is your decision. If they care about you, they will respect that. If they don’t, then don’t stand for it, you deserve better than that.
Friends can also make you feel like you should be having sex just because they are. They may even tease you for taking your time. This is totally wrong. Do what’s best for you; it’s a decision, so do what you are comfortable with.
What is it like? For most people, their first time is not orgasmic and it certainly doesn’t always go smoothly. Sure, the basics are explained in PDHPE and biology classes but it’s a big event, and nerves can get the better of us. It’s okay to feel nervous. As much as we would all have loved a romantic scene from a movie to happen, it usually is a little awkward, a bit painful and more often than not, rushed. But it’s okay, it’s just the first time, it gets better with practise.
It’s okay to say no at any point: Sometimes things get a little steamy and you may think ‘yep, it’s on’ but then change your mind. It’s totally okay to say no at any time, for whatever reason and, your partner must stop. If for whatever reason things get out of hand and you feel like you have been taken advantage of, talk to someone you trust, a doctor, a parent, a friend or even the police. You will have plenty of support; don’t be afraid to speak up.
When do you bring up contraception? That’s up to you and how comfortable you are with your partner. If you are very comfortable and have been with your partner for a while, chances are you have already discussed it and are prepared. If not, keep a condom handy and put it on before any genital insertion to avoid getting an STI. Remember the pulling out method doesn’t prevent contracting STIs or pregnancy.
How you feel about the person: perhaps this is someone you’ve been with for a long time, maybe it’s a friend and the chemistry has just been taken up a notch or you may even think: ‘Hey, why not?’ with someone new. Whoever you choose to be your first, make sure you are comfortable with them, this doesn’t always lead to a happily ever after but it is your first time, so why not do it with someone special.
Here are a couple of questions you may like to ask yourself to see if you are ready. Remember, only you can know this for sure.
- Am I comfortable with my own body?
- Am I comfortable talking about sex?
- Do I have protection? (condoms are best at preventing STIs and can also prevent pregnancy)
- Do I feel safe and comfortable with my partner?
- Am I feeling pressured into having sex?
- Am I attracted to my partner?
- Is this the right place to have sex?
- What are my reasons for wanting to have sex?
- How will I feel after I have had sex?
Remember, when and with whom you have sex is completely up to you. Do it safely and enjoy it as best you can – everyone has a first time.